In The Mind of Spider-Plush

This is the uncensored version. For the censored cut without all the swearing and the mentions of sex, click here. There are only 4 certainties in life: Death, taxes, Burger King messing up my damn order and having a Spider-Man review site look at Sins Past. You've seen everyone's reviews, you've seen everyone making fun of it (including Marvel themselves) and you even lived long enough to see it get retconned (Thanks, Nick Spencer). The story has it that in 2004, J. Michael Straczynski wanted to write a story about Gwen Stacy and Peter Parker's secret children that eventually tried to kill Peter... Odd, but okay. This is where Marvel's then editor-in-chief Joe Quesada comes in... So, Joe tells JMS that making Spider-Man have children would make the character seem like an old hag, and that would turn off new readers... Joe, I love you as much as I love my own son, but that is total bullshit, and you know it. You may be wondering, what happened last time? Well, Ezeki...

Originally reviewed on Wix back on January 29th, 2023. Gwendolyn Stacy was a character from the Amazing Spider-Man comic series, she first appeared in issue... I don't remember, but it was a Ditko issue. She was gorgeous, she was charming, she was perfect in every way. For a while, she was Spider-Man's girlfriend. Oh, and I suppose Mary Jane was there too. Spider-Man's biggest enemy of all time is the Green Goblin, aka Norman Osborn, a scientist CEO dude that had a little lab accident and now has another personality that thinks about nothing but mischief. Little problems that were presented in the series prior to this issue: Green Goblin knows Spider-Man's secret identity and everyone he loves, meaning that he can attack anyone at any point to hurt Spider-Man's feelings. Gwen Stacy does not like Spider-Man, I don't think she ever did, and she really started to HATE him because she believed that it was Spider-Man who murdered her father, George Stacy. The behind-...

Ezekiel Sims, a character that has made me ask multiple questions like "What" or "huh", but he's been relatively nice for the last couple issues or so. Now, since this review was meant for people that have already READ the stories, try to imagine a little kid in April, 2004 that has just seen Spider-Man on DVD (Spidey 2 came out in late June), his parents buy him ("him" because girls don't read comics... Well, they don't read Spider-Man comics) a subscription to The Amazing Spider-Man, and THESE are his first 3 issues... Pretty confusing way to start reading, but hey, my first comic was "New Ways To Die", and I'm still a fan. The thing is that these issues are pretty weird, complicated and honestly kinda dark for the young Spidey fan... Luckily, I am not a young Spider-Man fan, so let's take a look at The Amazing Spider-Man #506 by J. Michael Straczynski and John Romita Jr. This is The Book Of Ezekiel, Chapter one. The cover s...

I once challenged myself by reading 100 issues of Spider-Man, and you wanna know how many I remember? About 20. I planned to review this one as part of the birthday special, but I didn't. This one is really interesting because, as Al Sjoerdsma from SpiderFan.org  puts it, "...when I first saw this issue on the revolving comic rack back in 1967, I was really worried. First of all, I was ten years old, which is to say I was gullible. And second, I had seen plenty of other comics series come and go, never to be seen again. Who's to say it couldn't happen to Spider-Man? He wasn't the icon that he is today."   Which is why I gotta be so thankful that I don't read comics as they come out, because if I was gullible and saw that my favorite comic was ending, I would cry all day, I don't blame Al for thinking that. This comic features Spider-Man quitting, it's a moment that has been adapted... Well, actually not enough times! But the most memorable moment c...

NOTE: Development on this post began in June of 2024, so you may notice different writing styles as the post goes on.  FULL TITLE: Eddie-Plush Garcia The Third's Really Really Really Really Really Pretentious Long Ass Guide to Marvel's The Unbelievable Gwenpool Publication that ran from 2016 and she's somehow still being used in comics today even though I don't see anyone give a shit unless it's that one niche Twitter community: The extended edition with the actual review, for the old version, idk find it yourself you lazy bum... Oh, and don't forget to look out for my next guide, which will come out after this one, it'll be about either Poodle Hat or some weird Red Hot Chili Peppers interview or sandwiches or some other niche topic that only I care about and understand better than everyone, okay, I better just shut the hell up now before the title and the post becomes way too long, god bless the no character limit on this website. FORMERLY TITLED "The ...