The Comic Where Everything Goes Wrong...

They can't all be winners.

I think it's time to look at the last 5 issues of the West Coast Avengers by Kelly Thompson, Daniele DI Nicuolo, Gang Hyuk Lim, Moy Rodriguez and Stefano Caselli.

LAST TIMES: Something to do with giant furries, something to do with Jimmy Kimmel, and then Hawkeye and America Chavez died from a kiss. Gwen and Quentin died from probably electrocution, I don't remember. Kate didn't die and found her mother. Oh, and they went to the fair.

The show must go on.

The cover shows the SHITHEADS about to attack the silhouette of... What, do you think I know?

First page is a memorial for Stan Lee. Y'know, regardless of what I think of the guy, I still think it was pretty sad seeing him be mistreated during his last few years, it's heartbreaking.

The story itself begins with the villains of this issue, Madame Masque, M.O.D.O.K., The Eel, and Satana Hellstrom all celebrating the fact that they finally captured the WCA... But, where's Kate? She's with her mother, just walking down a tunnel when they start getting attacked by ninja stars that were thrown by Lady Bullseye. Kate takes her ear plugs that told her what was going on. Kate's mom takes her outside of the theme park, but Kate has to go back and save her friends.

The West Coast Shitheads are getting tortured, they're thrown into a pool with a shark, so Quentin just fuckin blows up the water, only to reveal that... Uh... It's a land shark. Meanwhile, Kate is thrown into another flipping hole, where she finds... Noh-Varr, aka Marvel Boy (real original, guys), aka Kate's ex-boyfriend.

It looks like Marvel no longer has time for fan-mail, so they just include tweets that praise this book.

Y'know, I guess it was alright. 6/10. 

4 more issues to go.

The cover shows Kate and Marvel Boy standing. Thanks, Eduard Petrovich, real creative there. Though I suppose it is pretty standard for the time.

Why did Marvel Boy kick Kate in the fucking face? I don't know. Well, no time to worry about that, the WCA are fighting the giant fire monster from the intro to Spider-Man & His Amazing Friends (1981). It looks like Ramone has been harmed trying to fight that damn monster. Meanwhile, Kate shoots some arrows and stuff and the rest of the team breaks free from their cages.

Uh-oh, Graviton shows up... I know a total of 3 whole characters in this book, and Graviton is not one of them. Oh, nevermind, it was actually Marvel Boy, who promptly punches Madame Masque in the face. It looks like almost everyone is okay, but then Kate gets knocked out by whoever that is, I keep forgetting because I'm not interested. Whatever, the team is ready to leave, but Gwen decides to bring someone home... That's right, this is the first appearance of Jeff The Land Shark. 

They all go home, but Marvel Boy says they have to save the fucking world again. C'mon, can't you let someone else do it? There's like 4000 superheroes in this world and stuff. Oh, they'll just do it tomorrow. That's nice. Noh-Varr suggests sleeping with Kate... I'm not kidding, that's how he says it "May I sleep with you" even though he fails to consider that FUSE IS HEARING THE CONVERSATION. And Kate tells him that he'll be sleeping on the couch. This is part of the top 10 stupidest moments in this series.

I keep forgetting that this is supposed to be a reality show. Here's what everyone has to say:

Hawkeye says nothing of substance.

Fuse is concerned over the fact that Kate's ex-boyfriend is here because he's HOT and Fuse is just a piece of shit compared to him, which is not even true, Fuse, you are way more likable.

Gwenpool is saying crazy shit once again, nothing out of the ordinary, next.

Quentin is UPSET about the last comment.

America thinks it's pretty convenient that the camera guys weren't there... Sure, cameramen just LOVE to be endangered!

Marvel Boy says something stupid.

Meanwhile, the legion of really evil guys are all talking about how they totally dropped the ball during that whole theme park deal. They will not stop until the WCA are DEAD... Wait, who's that white guy? Was he always here? 

Meet Derek Bishop. Father of Kate Bishop. 

Y'know, he looks a lot like Mark Wahlberg. 

Whatever, the issue is crap, but I was NOT expecting that ending. 5/10.

3 more issues to gooo.... C'mon, Edward, you can do this, you already looked at over 40 comics in one post, you can do 5 in one...

Another cover by Eduard Petrovich. This one shows Kate, America, and that one. GIRLS? UGH! 

The description on Marvel's website claims that this issue has a SEXY UNDERCOVER MISSION. Sure, and this review will have a sexy positive score. Judging by that description, I am NOT opening this on my monitor, c'mon guys, my family can see what I'm typing. Lucky for me, I happen to have a smartphone because I keep up with the times.

The comic begins with Gwenpool running away from a horrifying abomination called Jeff The Land Shark. The story continues as I regret using my Marvel Unlimited subscription specifically for this series. C'mon, I could've reviewed "Spider-Man: Blue".

America and Ramone are chilling at the beach and stuff. The interviewer takes the opportunity to be nosy as hell, which is how all interviewers are.

That morning, everyone is chilling, and this shithead Marvel Boy is talking about how he found a connection between what happened yesterday or whatever the hell- I don't care, you don't care, the empty water cup in my desk doesn't care... Though it does care about the stock market.

No one seems to care about what this guy is saying until he mentions people being abducted. 
They plan this stuff immediately and they get divided into 2 different teams, team 1 has Clint, America, Fuse, Kate and Noh-Varr. Team 2 has Gwen, Quentin and probably Jeff. Quentin is not too giddy about this, and is about to insult Kate, but thankfully, Gwen tells him to shut his fucking mouth.

STEP 1 OF THE BIG PLAN: Hawkeye will be pretending to be Wonder Man... So, there he is, having a blast. Y'know, guys, I see the undercover part of the mission, but I fail to see the sexy in here. So, they enter whatever this place is (it has a bunch of rich people) and it turns out that this is actually a secret satanic cult where everyone wears red robes... Oh, now I see the sexy. 

While all of this was happening, Quentin and Gwen decide to wear Madame Masque suits. Despite the fact that they stole them from a bunch of plus size guards, the costumes are incredibly skintight. The stupidest scene ensues as they get caught by one of the other guards, who asks for the secret password... To which Gwen responds with "8". Which is actually RIGHT. 

They end up getting caught anyway... Wow, you guys are doing a bang-up job, pat yourselves on the back. Gwen then promptly kills everyone, and they surprisingly leave no blood. I'm also surprised by the fact that the guards have to wear skintight outfits as opposed to, I don't know, military gear? Anyway, they meet Kate's mom and they go back home for whatever reason. 

The rest of the team are beating the shit out of these cult members, and it turns out that they're... Vampires. And they just bit America. 

Well, there was no sexy in this story, bummer, but was the story good? No, but was the art good? I suppose it was alright, but nothing special. But would I read it again? Only for proofreading of this review. 5/10.

2 more issues to gooooo..... 

The last cover showed the yucky girls of the team, this one shows the manly awesome testosterone-filled men looking like they're about to sing the song "Rehab". 

The comic begins like shit already because Quentin is here. He's talking about whatever's currently going on. So, the WCA are trapped once again, Fuse and Marvel Boy are in a cave, Marvel Boy tries to crawl up, but gets electrocuted. The rest of the team are about to be eaten. Uh-oh, America has been bitten by one of the vampires!

Gwen is back home, and she sees Ramone with a giant speer, she's about to go and rescue the other guys because she's just so nice like that. Ramone then tells us a flashback about a magic ring that was given to her by her mother. First time she tried the ring, some crazy shit happened, but I guess the second time's the charm. This scene is pretty well-written. 

So, they all go to rescue the guys, first, they rescue Fuse and the other guy. We then see the rest of the team beating up the vampires again. They kick some ass and stuff, but then it turns out that Kate's mom was actually a vampire! And she bites Kate again... Kinda unnecessary, but hey, they had to prove she was a vampire somehow.

This issue was actually okay! 7/10.

It's time for the final issue, the one where all the loose ends are tied, the one that will mark the end of this godforsaken story. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm excited for this. 

The cover shows a cool scene where the team is trying to avoid blood hungry vampires. Why the fuck does Kate have that opening on the side of her costume? What the hell is that for? 

So, there they are, kicking ass once again, saying stupid shit, all while Kate and her mother talk about how the cult thinks America Chavez is their savior. 

So, there they are, still kicking ass, and Ramone uses her super cool "lines" attack to stop the vampire dudes. America takes the team to shrimp world, oh, wrong location. And then they go back to the dungeon, and then they get out of the dungeon. 

It seems like they already have their own headquarters, which is nice. This is still a reality show. And they are still being interviewed. Oh, and it turns out that Fuse and Marvel Boy are not straight, which is okay.

Jeff does the sharknado dance or whatever the fuck. Oh, and the Dutch Oven is saying he can get them canceled... PLEASE, DUTCH OVEN, PLEASE CANCEL THEM! 

And it seems like it worked, because according to the last page, the series was canceled after this. The loose ends were never tied up. I kind of feel bad for the writer, they were so excited to do more of this series, and faster than you can sing the full bridge on "Hardware Store", it was taken away....

I personally do not know how to feel about the end of this series, I mean, sure, it's really bad, but on the other hand, I had lots of fun reading and I had lots of fun tearing it apart for this review! As for this issue... Y'know what? I'm just gonna give it a 10/10 for being the end of an era. I'm just nice like that.

And now... The fates of each member of the WCA, definitely not made up by me:

Quentin ate shit and died

Kate Bishop and Clint Barton went on to become famous for their popular segment on Comedy Central.

America Chavez went on to be really cool.

Gwenpool went to the mental hospital.

Marvel Boy went on to become a successful chef. 

Fuse... He just kept being Fuse.

I might as well make a list of the TOP 10 STUPIDEST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES... Okay, it's not really a Top 10 list, it's more of a 10 list without the top. A topless 10 list:

10. B.R.O.D.O.K. 

He was a huge failure when he showed up in the comic and he was ridiculous even after he left. He will be deeply missed by nobody.

9. Missed opportunities.

I think there were a lot of missed opportunities in this series. Remember how America was skeptical of the camera crew? I think it would've been really cool to see some crazy plot twist where the camera crew was secretly evil or something, and I'm sure that was in the cards for the next issues before cancellation.

8. "I suppose there is something appealing about insanity, especially if it's a choice..."

I stand by what I said, Quentin, you're stupid for saying this, I'm no psychologist, but insanity isn't something you just choose to be one day. 

7. Jimmy Kimmel

I thought he was really stupid. Though I suppose it was just like that time David Letterman met the Avengers.

6. Gwen stealing a cat.

Issue 5, Gwen endangers herself to save a cat, she decided to keep it for a while, and I don't think we ever saw it again after that issue. Thanks, Gwen, now someone doesn't have their cat.

5. Jeff.

He just randomly showed up one day and now he's staying forever. 

4. The tweets.

Did you really not bother to include letters? Did you HAVE to resort to finding people that liked this comic on Twitter? How many people were interested in this specific book?

3. Gwen guessing the password correctly or whatever...

HOW THE FUCK? WHY THE FUCK? Don't you think they would need a safer password than just 8? Well, I suppose it was just a joke.

2. Noh-Varr requesting to sleep with Kate.

Wow, someone just went through an incredibly traumatic moment and your first thought is wanting to sleep with them. 1, read the room, 2, use better wording, just say "I wanna sleep beside you" or something. + YOU SAID IT IN FRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND, SHITMOP.

1. All the kissing in the first arc.

YUCK! This is Avengers, not a love story from the 50's! 

I suppose I'll say my favorite things about the series too...

- The art: All of the artists did a pretty alright job for the most part. Pat on the back.

- Kelly Thompson's enthusiasm: The writer clearly had a lot of fun writing this, and I respect that a lot, they're probably really proud of this, and that's so cool.

- Kate Bishop: One of the very few interesting characters, though I wouldn't really call myself a fan of her, I would have to read more of her stuff.

- The jokes: They're pretty funny most of the time. There are even some moments that are unintentionally funny. 

That's it. I suppose it wasn't as bad as it could've been, but it's bad... Here's hoping nobody involved in the making of this comic finds this.

Next time: Everything that we love goes to shit with Warren Ellis on Marvel Ruins.