4 Random Issues: The Wasp

I had a hard time making this one. The Wasp was created by Stan Lee, Ernie Hart and Jack Kirby back in 1963. Why? Because. Janet Van Dyne has the incredible ability of becoming as small as an insect... AND FLYING, isn't she so fucking cool? She was a founding member of the Avengers, and she was even the one that NAMED the team. Shame she wasn't included in the first Avengers movie, she was there in the concept art, but she was missing from the final cut along with Ant-Man. 

Janet has never had her own series... Unless it's with Hank Pym, so for this I'm just gonna choose random one-shots and guest appearances. FIRST OFF, Avengers Origins: Ant-Man & The Wasp by Roberto Aguirre Sacasa and drawn by Stephanie Hans.

This cover was drawn by Marko Djurdjevic, and it is absolutely beautiful, I need this as a poster so that I can keep it rolled up and never put it up on the wall. This comic is a retelling of the origins of Ant-Man & The Wasp... Makes sense for a comic titled "AVENGERS ORIGINS: ANT-MAN & THE WASP". I could be an ass and not tell you the origin story, but you don't know the origins, no one does.

How is the story itself? Well, it retells the story of how the Ant-Man got his amazing power to turn really small. Do insects dream? That's a question that everyone has asked themselves at least 20 times. Henry Pym is dreaming a flashback about the loss of his wife Maria; Pym always wakes up in a cold sweat.

He presents the idea of Pym particles to a bunch of investors, but they don't seem interested in giving him any additional funding, so Pym just leaves disappointed. Outside, he meets Janet Van Dyne, daughter of one of the businessmen, who wants to go on a date with Henry, but he's busy that night. At his lab, Henry tests the particles on himself, which makes him turn really small, which catches the attention of a rat. Henry manages to escape the rat, but he finds himself at an ant colony, but he finds himself able to communicate one of the ants, and the nice ant helps him go back to his lab and turn back to regular size... And now there's a giant ant. 

Janet shows up at his doorstep, once again asking Hank to go to dinner with her, and he agrees, because who wouldn't agree? She's a pretty nice lady. Later that night, at the dinner, Janet is with her father... Pfft, grown woman still needs her daddy to accompany her to dinners. There's a montage of Ant-Man's adventures and more dates with Janet, and it's actually pretty nice, I'm enjoying this comic so far. 

At another date, Janet is asking Hank if he wants to be more than just friends, but Hank's gonna need more time since he's still mourning the loss of his wife. After that, there's another montage of Hank's life as a superhero. One night, Janet enters her home, and her father has been killed. Janet doesn't know what to do, so she goes to Hank's place. Hank is there to comfort her, and love blooms in tragedy. Hank goes to investigate what killed Doctor van Dyne, and he finds out that it might have been an acid-based creature... 

Janet is willing to do anything to avenge her father. Hank was working on his Pym formula thing but for wasps instead of ants. Oh, and Janet knew all about Hank's secret identity. Hank gives her a costume that is red and black... Nothing at all like a wasp.

The Golden Gate Bridge (Or is it the Brooklyn Bridge?), and a GIANT DEMON FROM HELL is there, that thing killed Janet's father, and Jan's ready to kick some alien insect ass. AND SHE DOES, that demon from hell is now dead. Back home, Hank is yelling at her because it was kinda foolish to just go up to a dangerous creature like that, but Jan is mourning the loss of her beloved father. Hank is there to comfort her, and he always will be there for her. Do insects love? Yes... These two do. The comic ends.

THIS. This is how you do a retelling of a classic story. The comic itself is just perfect. The writing is incredible and actually makes me feel emotions. The art is beautifully drawn, and it makes me want to know what happens next for the characters. 10/10. 

Now, before we get to the next one, I have to give you an explanation for why Ant-Man isn't in the title. This post is supposed to be only about Janet Van Dyne, why? Because she is slowly becoming my new favorite Avenger, you see, I started reading about other Marvel characters because I kinda got tired of reading Spider-Man, and I thought Wasp was a good choice... Even though Janet does not have her own title aside from a couple miniseries, but that's beside the point.

TIME FOR MARVEL TEAM-UP. Which is a series about none other than Spider-Man, who teams up with other characters across the Marvel U. I have never read this series. EVER. And reviews on SpiderFan are mixed, which makes me curious, are these next 2 issues good? Are they worth the 100 pesos I spent on the TPB? Let's find out, shall we? This is issue 59 of Marvel Team-Up, written by Chris Claremont and drawn by John Byrne. 

Hank is fucking dead. Also he was the Yellowjacket during the 70's, that's another thing I knew. Spidey is like "NO WASP NOOOO DON'T AVENGE YOUR DEAD HUSBAND"

Comic begins and Spider-Man IS ON FIRE. What the fuck? And then he gets hit by a giant block of ICE. What the hell is going on here? Whatever, over at the duplex of Janet Van Dyne and Hank Pym, they're all mushy and cutesy and stuff, and then a GIANT BEAM OF LIGHT APPEARS, IT'S SPIDER-MAN, he has been falling for... A long time, but he hasn't hit the water yet. Hank catches him before he can drown, and he takes him into the duplex. I also do that with strangers I find in the water. Spidey dreams about the Human Torch, Ice Man, and Gwen Stacy, people whom he loves very much. And then he wakes up. 

Wasp and Yellowjackoff check on our ol' pal Spidey to see if he's alright, they ask him if he has any enemies that use fire and ice as weapons, but Petey only has FRIENDS with those qualities, The Torch and Ice Man, Hank should know, he has checked them out... He said it like that, it's in the comic, look at it. Guess what, they're wrong, it's none of those guys, it's Equinox, the Thermo-Dynamic Man, don't act like you don't know who he is, everyone does, it's the first thing they teach you in Spider-Man School. 

Anyway, Equinox blows up the duplex... Whoops! So, they all fight this guy, and this fight takes them to the Brooklyn Bridge, and this fight is actually pretty cool, but it takes like 60% of the issue. Spidey meets Equinox's mother, who has been trying to stop him with a ray that will hopefully return him back to normal. Equinox manages to overpower all 3 of them and he even manages to "murder" Yellowjackinthebox. I put murder in quotations because there is no way that they're gonna kill a character in a title that isn't even his own, that is ridiculous, no one dies in someone else's title... Right?

Well, Hank is dead, and obviously Wasp is not gonna take this well, the story concludes in the next issue. But this one, it was actually pretty alright, 7/10, the story and art are pretty standard for the time, it's full of excitement and it does make me wanna know what happens next.

Alright, time for issue 60, but first... NOTHING. Let's move on.

This is a cover. 

So, apparently, Equinox has been bragging about how he killed Yellowjacksparrow, and he's been doing it for hours or something cause policemen are here... Spidey and Wasp have been standing there for a while, I guess. Janet is obviously pretty sad because her husband's fuckin dead. Equinox attacks but before Wasp is able to meet Hank again, Spidey pushes her out of the way. Equinox's mom explains that her son has gone fucking insane, but it's not his fault that he is a deranged psycho, and he's not responsible... I don't know, lady, having mental problems doesn't exactly make you always innocent. She tries to shoot Equinox with the ray but it doesn't seem to work so Spidey just swings away with her.

Ms. Sorenson tells us the story of how her son Terry tried to save his dad from a fire but ended up getting powers, and Spidey takes Sorenson to the Baxter Building in order to find a potential solution for Equinox's little problem. The FF are not there, and the emergency systems are going crazy. They make it to the lab where this supposed solution is but UH-OH, Equinox has found them! And he's ready to kill more superheroes... It's over... Unless... Yellowjacket shows up, turns out he wasn't dead! And then he and Janet both save the day. They have more souped-up powers now!

Equinox is fixed... I think, and everyone is so happy... But one question still remains... HOW THE FUCK DID HANK COME BACK TO LIFE? Haha, it's kind of complicated... When Hank died, he was actually just turned really small, and the impact had only left him unconscious. For Janet's birthday, he secretly gave her a serum that made her more powerful the smaller she got, and that is how they managed to stop Equinox. WHAT? Whatever, Spidey stays while everyone else goes to the local police department to turn in Equinox.

Well, the story is over. How was that? It was pretty good, it was a fun storyline, the art was good and I thought Spidey was cool, however that explanation for how Hank came back is kinda stupid... But hey, how else was he supposed to come back? 8/10.

Before I find the final issue of the post, it's time for fun facts!!!

- Her family was wealthy. Ok

- The whole chaos in Avengers: Disassembled was kinda her fault.

- She died during the Secret Invasion but she wasn't actually dead, and she was just trapped in the microverse. This led to a continuity mistake because Hercules had found her in the Erebus, which is a place where the recently dead are sent to... I don't have the Marvel Wiki in another tab.

- Many people remember her appearance in the "Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes" cartoon and they also remember a very specific scene. I know about this because I couldn't stop seeing that fucking frame of her in a swimsuit in my twitter timeline for a whole week a few years ago.

- She got a redesign in Avengers: The Crossing, and it made me want to kill myself.

- The SpiderFan page with her info lists her height as 5'4. That's taller than WaterIsNotWetL on twitter!

- Why the fuck does she have a page on SpiderFan but there's no page for Hulk? I mean, Hulk appears more often on Spidey's titles.

I hate to say this but let's have a look at Ultimates #6 by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch.

This issue promises Giant-Man Vs. The Wasp. I have a lot of things to say about this one.

First off, WHAT IS THE ULTIMATE UNIVERSE? Back in 2000, Marvel decided to make things easier for new readers, and they made an alternate universe where things happen from the beginning. A modernized version of the Marvel U that we love so much... I don't like it. First off, there's a lot of pedophiles here (Venom and Wolverine, for example), the Fantastic Four are shitty and drawn by Greg Land, the Hulk is a fucking cannibal weirdo, the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are incestuous freaks, and then there's the Ultimates. Oh god, the Ultimates. We'll complain about it later, but I unfortunately have to look at this issue. All of the junk in this title was made in order to make the Marvel Universe more realistic. The only thing that could save this (Sorta) was Spider-Man... So not at all like the main U, where everything else is good except Spider-Man.

New York is recovering after the latest attack from the Incredibly Horny Hulk, and this is the aftermath and shit. Janet is talking on the phone with Nick Fury and shit, the Ultimates are chilling at their super awesome mansion, and but that is NOT the focus of the review. I'm only gonna talk about the Wasp scenes because I have lots of things to complain about.

Hank Pym is working on some science shit or whatever and Janet's a bit bummed because Hank said he wasn't gonna work tonight. Then they begin arguing and Hank starts saying some really heinous shit towards Jan. And then Hank hits her. The comic cuts to a scene of the Ultimates eating dinner but I don't care, Hank almost kills Janet by spraying her with insecticides while she is small, this is a horrible scene on so many levels. Hank uses his Ant-Man powers to control a bunch of ants to attack Janet. Hank regrets what he did afterwards.

This comic is horrendous, Mark Millar took a shitty scene from a comic book and made it even worse. He also managed to turn beloved character Hank Pym into a racist abuser and just an unlikable piece of shit. This is not how you make a serious story, and this is definitely not how you modernize a classic comic book character. 2/10. The art is good, the colors are nice, but the story is horrible. 

Would you believe that this isn't even the lowest point for the Ultimate Universe? That's a story for another day.

What a way to end this post in such an up note, talking about the Abuser Ant-Man. 

This post was unintentionally also about Ant-Man but that's because they're always together, they're inseparable. They're like bread and butter; you can eat the bread by itself but why the fuck would you eat the butter by itself? C'mon, eat the bread and butter. Much like how you can read a comic about Ant-Man by himself but you can't just read a comic that's all about Wasp... Unless it's about the absolute GOAT, Nadia.

The post is over. BYE. NEXT CHARACTER I'M TALKING ABOUT IS THE HULK. NEXT REVIEW IS WEST COAST AVENGERS

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