This comic is a load of junk. (Triple Feature)
I know I said late February, but I got impatient.
You know the Avengers? They're pretty cool, they were created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby back in 1963, what exactly do the Avengers avenge? Absolutely fucking nothing, it's just an awesome name. Google says, "They avenge what has happened to earth", sure, if they say so. The Avengers are almost perfect, but there is one big problem... THEY'RE IN NEW YORK! They need to be in ALL OF THE US. That's why the West Coast Avengers were created, so they had someone to defend and "avenge" the west coast... And then there's the Young Avengers... And the New Avengers... And the Great Lakes Avengers... And the Dark Avengers- Let's just move on.
The original West Coast Avengers team was created as an expansion of the New York Avengers, and the members of the old team were Hawkeye, Mockingbird, War Machine, Wonder Man, Tigra, Iron Man, The Thing, Hank Pym, and other guys. Oh, hey, the Wasp was there, she's like my 3rd favorite Avenger just behind Iron Man & The Hulk. She's not #1 because she's a girl and she has cooties. Anyway, the WCA were pretty successful.
According to the back of the TPB I'm looking at today, "These ain't your daddy's whackos", well, my daddy didn't read WCA, he read Batman, Daredevil, and Spider-Man. This team has Hawkeye, Hawkeye, Fuse, Miss America, Gwenpool, and Quentin Quire (aka Kid Omega). I now proceed to make fun of all of them.
Hawkeye, aka Clint Barton. No need to make fun of him, everyone else has done it for me. You've read the comics, you've seen the movies and Disney+ shows, you know who he is.
You see how Hawkeye was listed twice a few paragraphs ago? That's because there's two of them. Kate Bishop is a former member of the Young Avengers. I'm gonna be honest, I've never heard of her before, but I did see that she was in that Hawkeye TV show a couple years back.
Fuse is the only one of these characters that didn't have a Wikipedia article. And it seems like Marvel doesn't know either because I can't find the Marvel page mentioning him. He's dating Kate Bishop; that's about all I know about this guy. I don't know if he's a superhuman or a mutant (What is the difference?) and I don't even know his real name.
Miss America, aka America Chavez, you may remember her from Dr. Strange In The Multiverse Of Madness... What a boring movie that was. But Miss America is pretty cool, she has cool multiverse related powers, she's pretty neat.
Gwenpool. Gosh, Marvel's really running out of ideas, I cannot believe they just made Gwen Stacy as Deadpool, that is absolutely ridiculous, no way people are reading this.
Quentin Quire, aka Kid Omega. Ok, this fucking sucks, I cannot make fun of any of these characters because I barely know them. So, who is this guy? Well, he was part of the X-Men and- I already lost interest. He has pretty much the same powers as Silver The Hedgehog but maybe a little different.
You see, if you look at a comic while you're angry, that automatically makes the comic bad. So, let's take a look at the first 2 issues of WCA (2018) by Kelly Thompson and Stefano Caselli. + the first appearance of Kate Bishop. + more jokes at the expense of the other members.
I seem to have misplaced my copy... Oh, wait, that's right, I bought this digitally! I don't know why, but I guess I really wanted to read something that WASN'T Spider-Man for once. We begin with Hawkeye talking to some reality show hosts... Okay. We then cut to a flashback showing the Land Shark fiasco. Bet they're glad Jeff is the only land shark left. After the Avengers stop those horrifying abominations, we cut to them eating pizza. This is the excitement that only a 2010's Marvel Comic can bring you, you wouldn't have seen this in the 60's or 90's or even the early 2000's.
I wish I had a pizza; I haven't had one since last year! (This joke isn't funny anymore, it's almost February), Anyway, Kate is tasked with finding a new member of this team that is DEFINITELY NOT the West Coast Avengers. And by the way, they have a Spider-Man fridge magnet, I'd tell SpiderFan about it, but this comic was made after 2015. Still, that's +1 point. We get a 2-page spread of superhero auditions, we have a Bread guy, some chick that wants to bang Hawkeye (the cute one), Spider-Man (sorta), Surf Doctor, the broken clock, NOSFERATU, Kate's friends, The Scorp, Doctor Mole, Silver Snowboarder, The Dutch Oven, and the Wolver-mean... All of those would've been better choices than whoever she ended up choosing.
KATE'S OLD FRIEND, Gwen Poole... Even though their interactions in the past were pretty limited. Why is she in California? Don't ask silly questions, shithead, this is a comic book. So, the team has more than 4 people, cool. SUDDENLY, A CAMERA CREW AND KID OMEGA ARE HERE! Crazy how there's 2 muties here, and I feel no remorse saying the M word because the X-Men are not real, and they can't kick my ass for it.
Seems like I didn't need to make fun of them because Quentin just did it for me! While at the same time praising himself... I'm gonna love this character, aren't I? Quentin's camera crew is gonna be recording this for a superhero reality show! Wow. Kate only agrees because Quentin might pay her!
Quentin gets along well with everyone; Gwen just blew him up with a fucking missile. Kate is tired because who wouldn't be tired in a situation like this? So her boyfriend whose name I already forgot because he's so obscure that he didn't even have an article on marvel.com decides to say a bunch of nice things and kiss her. Okay.
These characters get along so well, Gwen just filled Quentin's room with wet towels... Don't look at me, I didn't write this. After a lobotomy threat from Quentin, they go to Santa Monica because of an incident but thank God it wasn't because of those shitty land sharks! No, it's not an abomination of nature, but an abomination of science in the form of a GIANT FURRY (aka Tigra). I'd call this a fetish thing, but I honestly don't think that's the reason why there's a giant furry woman in this story.
Quire decides to make a stupid comment... I can't blame him because if I was a superhero, I'd probably do the same. Hawkeye tells our lovable pink hair guy to shut up, and Mr. Mutie does indeed shut his fucking mouth! Not because he was asked to, mind you, but because he was just punched by a giant Tigra. But before Quentin can become a big red stain in the middle of Santa Monica, Gwen changes the setting on her gun to "Creampuff" and saves Quentin from his doom. But y'know, this could be all M.O.D.O.K.'s fault, yeah, I also like to blame all my problems on M.O.D.O.K.
Well, it looks like the WCA are fucking doomed, but a blonde guy shows up and smooches Kate in the lips... Obviously Fuse isn't gonna take this well. This is B.R.O.D.O.K.! Bio-Robotic Organism Designed Overwhelmingly For Kissing. Gwen has the same reaction as me, what the fuck. The comic is over.
How was that first issue? Well, I insulted pretty much all of the characters, I didn't take the story seriously, I made fun of pretty much everything, I was angry all the time... But it was actually pretty decent! The art was mostly pretty good, I kinda like these characters, and it was pretty funny! I'd say it gets a 7/10.
ISSUE 2!!! I'M SO ENTHUSED! I HAVE HOPE FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES!!!
Tigra is defeated... for now, thanks BRODOK. The WCA are all in agreement that BRODOK is just MODOK, but they choose to let him stay at their place anyway because. Wait, there is a dog named Lucky, and he's a golden retriever... My Magic Dog reference? Or just a coincidence? Anyway, both Hawkeyes leave the rest of the WCA to watch BRODOK in case he tries anything.
Gwen is like "Aw man this is such a cool comic" and Quentin's like "I think Gwen might be crazy", Quentin, buddy, you're like the 20th person in this universe to ever make that assumption. "I suppose there is something appealing about insanity, especially if it's a choice..." Nobody fucking chooses to be insane; insanity isn't something you can just decide to be one day, you can't just wake up one day and say "I'M GONNA BE INSANE TODAY", that is ridiculous, Quentin, you fucking idiot.
Well, what could happen if you left 5 superpowered idiots alone in one house, 2 of them seem to really fucking despise each other, one of them might be an evil supervillain pretending to be Fabio, and 2 normal superpeople? Let's keep reading to find out, shall we?
Hawkeye (Kate) and Hawkeye (the cute one) enter a lab, and they hear a sound. We'll find out what that is later, it's time to watch the next scene unfold! Well, the thing everyone does when they're bored at the sleepover is watch a movie, and what movie did they choose? Weekend At Bernie's 2, which I have not seen. Meanwhile, America is thinking of every possible way to kill Kate.
1 or 2 movies later, Quentin is pissed, who the fuck watches Weekend At Bernie's 1 after watching the horrible sequel? Gwen has questions about the sequel that maybe the first film will clear up. Dude, they REALLY fucking hate each other... "Or do they?" says Broski. Yeah, that's what the Nostalgia Critic says sometimes.
I'm kinda scared to flip to the next page, I don't know what will happen, that's the thing with comics and manga, you never know what to expect when you flip the page, there could be an ad, or a splash page, the best thing ever written or the worst. It makes me scared but that's also why I like comics, they're unexpected. I-i don't know, man, I'm so hesitant, I don't wanna do it, why don't I cancel the review?
C'mon, Edward, don't be a pussy, it can't be that bad, I'm sure it's just more panels where nothing happens and- WHAT THE FUCK? Gwen and Quentin just fucking SMOOCHED! Kissing girls is yucky! I don't like these characters, what makes you think I want to see them together? That's minus one point. Not bad enough to the point that I wanna just shoot myself in the eyes, but it's still just not a pretty sight, the way they kiss is gross too, just makes me wanna vomit, but since I think my puke looks gross, I might end up losing like 5 lunches.
Well, Kate and Clint are back. Okay. OH SHIT, TIGRA IS BACK TOO, AND SHE HAS LIKE 5 OTHER ABOMINATIONS FROM HELL! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? I think the more appropriate question is what are THEY going to do, I'm not doing jack diddly darn here.
Issue's over, same thing as the last one, but it gets minus one point for the kissing scene. 6/10. Quentin's gonna catch cooties.
I'd say the review is over, but there's one more thing I'm gonna look at. This trade paperback includes 2 more comics, Young Avengers Presents #6 of 6 and the other is irrelevant.
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