PREQUEL POST. JEFF THE LAND SHARK RETROSPECTIVE

Today I'm looking at Jeff The Land Shark's Infinity Comics, which are titled... "It's Jeff", this is a prequel post for an upcoming review of the first whatever issues of the West Coast Avengers from 2019. These don't have covers to analyze but fuck that, I'm looking at the thumbnail on the Marvel website. 

Look at him, he's got swimming goggles... Even though he's a shark. He's got a floatie donut thing (NEVER BEEN TO A WATERPARK OR A PUBLIC SWIMMING POOL IN MY LIFE) and it's got a little design with Deadpool and Gwenpool faces.... Who the fuck is making this? Gwen is a wanted criminal in this universe, why are they making swimming gear with her logo- Nevermind, I just remembered people make Donald Trump (known felon) merchandise in real life. 

Time for the plot synopsis. This issue was written by Kelly Thompson and drawn by G Gurihiru, who also drew that Unstoppable Wasp series I like so much. Well, this is the issue where all the superheroes get together to go to the pool, and that's cool, I like the fact that superheroes do more than just fight crime and just have fun every once in a while. But is it bad that I can name all the characters in the first panels? Don't be silly, Eddie, it's normal and not weird in the slightest.

Everyone loves this abomination of nature, and they give him food, pet him, and take pictures of him. Jeff decides to be a little shithead and scare the ever-loving shit of the world's toughest superheroes, he pretends to be a real shark, and- HOLY SHIT, NADIA VAN DYNE IS THERE, my favorite character! but anyway, are superheroes so stupid that they can't fucking remember that they just saw a land shark? They must've left their brains at home that day. 

Why does Dr. Strange have a floatie thing of Shuma Gorath? Who is making floaties based on hellish creatures? Nevermind, I just remembered people make Cthulhu plushies in real life.

Issue 1 gets a 6/10. This has nothing to do with the actual quality, but I asked someone to pick a number between 1 and 10

Anyways, the next issue we're gonna be looking at is issue 11. 

In this one: Kate Bishop, aka Hawkeye gets Jeff a new house, but Jeff doesn't like the house, so he takes plushies, a chicken, and a carpet for it. Kate goes to check how Jeff is doing, but he seems to be missing... WATCH OUT, KATE, HE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! Jeff just shoves her in the house, now SHE'S the pet. Okay. Wow, Jeff is a total ass.

Issue 11 gets a 7/10. Yes, I did ask someone for another number. But that's the rating I'd give it, this is just the comic you read while on your lunch break at your monotone 9 to 5. This is just like a Garfield comic.

Up next we're looking at issue 18, the Halloween issue. This one's about Kate and Ms. Fairly-Obscure-Character, looking for a funny little Halloween costume that you can put on this creature... WHO THE HELL IS MAKING BABY LAND SHARK SIZE COSTUMES? 

First, he wears a clown costume, okay. The 2 girls think he looks cute and funny... UNTIL HE GRINS

GAH! HE'S HORRIFYING, TAKE IT OFF SCREEN! The 2 girls are obviously horrified by this terrifying sight. So Jeff changes into a Unicorn costume, that's much better... UNTIL HE STANDS UP AGAIN AND GRINS AND IT'S FUCKING HORRIFYING. Idk man, they don't seem to convinced. 

They go through several different costumes like a sheep, a TACO, Über Duck, the obligatory Star Wars shoutout, until they finally find a perfect costume... But first you gotta look at the taco costume.

This is beautiful, never seen anything like it. But let's look at what he chose.

Oh, this is fucking bullshit, but I can't help but kind of love it... It's like if I wore a human onesie. THIS IS RIDICULOUS, but still kinda cute.

Backstory for the next issue: Jeff took a break back in September 9th, 2022... And that break lasted less than a day because later that day he came back with issue 13.

Issue 13 is next, Jeff is chilling with... SOMEONE, and I must've missed that issue because Jeff is injured. He keeps trying to remove his bandages but SOMEONE won't let him. This someone's fix is putting a cone on him, but JEFF HATES CONES! So this unknown character decides to- My marvel unlimited app just crashed. Anyway, that person whose name is unknown to me fills the cone with water and Jeff is now happy. Okay, 3/10, the same thing as every other issue. (I asked someone to pick another number)

In conclusion, Jeff's comics are like Garfield comics, short strips for when you're bored. They don't have a storyline that takes up 5 issues, they're not complex, they're funny sometimes, and people are gonna post panels on the internet talking about how cute the animal is. 7/10.

Well, that's it. Review is over. You can leave now. SEE YOU IN THAT WEST COAST AVENGERS REVIEW, COMING LATE FEBRUARY.