12 Days Of Eddiemas (DAY 10): Secrets That Marvel Hides From Us.

I recently acquired a secret internal document from the Marvel offices in New York, and in this document, there are several secrets about the company, secrets about the writers, and secrets about the Marvel Universe that were hidden for over 80 years. I shall now uncover 5 of these secrets.

First off, the secret to why Marvel allows Sony to make these horrible movies based on characters related to Spider-Man. Well, you see, if Marvel themselves don't care about the characters, then why should they care if they appear in a horrible movie? Think about it. Did they care about Kraven? Did they care about Morbius? Did they care about Madame Web? NO! They didn't, no one even remembers the last time they appeared in a comic. The only one they seem to care about is Venom.

And speaking of Venom, let's talk about the origin of his character, believe it or not, the concept of an alien costume that bonds to people didn't JUST come from the sick and twisted mind of Jim Shooter or whoever it was, but it actually came from his final project in high school, where he decided to make a horrible disgusting creature that has no functional brain but still manages to survive. Jim got an A+, but the project escaped and now it goes by the username of "dyingscribe" on Twitter.

Our next secret is relating to the Avengers, Issue number 200, specifically. Why did they choose THAT story for issue 200 instead of... I don't know, something better? And worst of all, why did they approve it? Well, it's actually because Marvel wanted people to STOP reading Avengers, they had made too many issues and they needed to make a book get sales that were so low that the editor would have no other choice but to cancel it, now, of course, this DIDN'T work because there is an Avengers 201, but hey, they didn't lose anything in trying... Except for maybe a couple subscriptions to the Avengers title.

The X-Men, most people know who they are, and most people LIKE them for some reason that is unknown to me. But have you heard of the rejected X-Men characters? The following list shows some concepts for X-Men characters that didn't quite make it.

- Venom, not to be confused with the Spider-Man villain Venom, his power is a powerful venomous substance that shoots out of his butt, the concept was rejected because the writer that proposed the idea didn't want to change the placement of his venom shooter, he kept refusing the idea of having him shoot venom from his fingertips or mouth.

- Mary Marbles, a redhead that attacks enemy mutants by shooting marbles from her nose. The idea was rejected because the writer that proposed this idea beat the X-Men editor in a game of Halo 2 and after that, the editor REFUSED to publish anything that this writer would propose for an entire year.

- Supperman, a mutant that was made of peas. Idea was rejected because all editors at Marvel HQ in New York fucking hate peas.

- Spanish Girl, a girl whose power was that she was from Spain. According to the writer that proposed this idea, the editor's reaction was "A TOMAR POR CULO, TIO"

I'm gonna uncover the big secret of an unpublished story featuring everyone's favorite character Jeff The Land Shark. This was supposed to be a What If Team-Up sorta thing where the Fantastic Four teamed up with The Wasp (Nadia Van Dyne) to stop Jeff The Land Shark from starting a new world order and conquering the entire Marvel Universe and make everyone from every planet follow HIS orders. The reason this hasn't been published yet is because of 2 things, 1. Marvel doesn't know how to depict 5 characters stopping an evil land shark without having PETA throw a fit, and 2. If they did figure out a way, they would have to wait for the right time to publish it.

Well, that's all I am allowed to say, I have contacted editor C.B. Cebulski, and he told me I was only allowed to share 5 of these secrets. If I share one more, I'll probably get assasinated... But you know what? I'm not gonna let Akira Yoshida tell me what I can and can't share... Nevermind, he has a gun, no, I appreciate my life too much for this. 

BYE!