Not From The Archives: Gwenpool Strikes Back #1.

I am pissed. I have to look at this one last time for the sake of having an old post remade. This is Gwenpool Strikes Back #1. Written by Leah Williams and drawn by David Baldeon. Cover art by Terry Dodson. 

I know I tore the other comics in this mini-series to shreds, but I haven't looked at issue 1 through the eyes of my critical self... Also known as my idiot self

This is the cover. It looks pretty nice, Gwen has Spider-Man tied to a chair, about to unmask him and possibly even shoot him in the face, and everyone's taking pictures, and there's a bunch of money there... To represent the fact that this is THE money shot. YOU GOTTA PICK UP A COPY RIGHT FUCKING NOW! HOLY SHIT, I WONDER HOW THIS HAPPENED! You're gonna regret that soon, little Edward.

Gwen is at the bank talking about how much she wants to squeeze this pregnant lady; that's a thing normal people think. And she's robbing a bank, that is also something normal people do. Why is she robbing that bank, you may ask? Well, it's kind of complicated, but I'll try to explain it in the shortest way possible in the next paragraph.

Gwen is trying to be taken seriously by the Marvel editors and she's also trying to become relevant and not forgotten because that means death for someone... Even though we had established back in issue 25 of the original series that being forgotten by Marvel doesn't mean death. So, she's trying to rob this bank to attract the attention of Spider-Man so that Spidey can BITE Gwen and irradiate her and give her superpowers so she can be relevant in the Marvel U. Did you get all of that? You did? You fucking freak. Let's move on.

There's a full page where she talks about... Hold on, let me check... Oh, it's an explanation of who she is while doing some Fortnite dances and- She just dabbed. I'm not gonna freak out and be pissed like I did last time I read this, but I am gonna show the panel. 

You see this panel? It's labeled "SHITSHITSHITSHIT.jpeg" on my computer now, and I'm deleting it as soon as I'm done with this, don't want anyone to know I'm stuck in 2019. 

So there she was, robbing the bank, and Jeff showed up to tell us that male land sharks have 2 penises and stuff, and you will not believe what she just told this pregnant lady, oh my god, it's ridiculous, almost as bad as the dab... "If you pop, I'm calling the cops... YOU HEAR ME! Keep that nugget tucked up in there!", holy shit dude, this is something someone at Marvel looked at and thought "LET'S PRINT THIS OUT FOR EVERYONE TO PURCHASE!", this is something from an official Marvel comic book that you can still buy, it gets reprints, it was recently in the Gwenpool Omnibus, it's there, unedited. 

Hey, it's what I've been waiting for! my favorite character is here! The Amazing Spider-Man! This comic is looking up! Gwen slides the money bag to the pregnant lady, and she says, and I quote "Get that nugget a good education, ma'am". Gwen is now trying to see how radioactive Spider-Man is, and she has to unmask him, there's our cover, everyone. Spidey has been unmasked. Unlike the cover, though, no one took a picture. 

Gwen makes a yearbook photo joke or whatever, and after that, she tries to blackmail Spider-Man into irradiating her, but one thing she fails to consider is that Spidey has powers, and she does not. Spidey webs her up, to which Gwen responds with "Ha! This was the losing death in a monster girl dating sim I couldn't beat." and Spider-Man is like "How do you even lose at- You know what? Never mind".

Thankfully, the cops are here to arrest our protagonist, but before the cops can save us readers from hearing this bitch, an alternate Gwen shows up, this is getting out of hand, NOW THERE ARE 2 OF THEM! So Gwen (OG) is free and now she has to irradiate herself in order to go to the past and free THAT Gwen so that SHE can go and irradiate herself and- FUCK THIS.

How is Gwen gonna irradiate herself? meeting a radioactive dude. Hey, she could've eaten a million bananas. So, she goes back to the past all irradiated and shit. ISSUE IS OVER.

Where do I begin with this thing? Now, I'm not someone that notices when someone is acting out of character, sometimes I need to wait until someone points it out to me, but Gwen in this story is so out of character that it's like I'm looking at someone else's comic, she is annoying to the reader, which is kind of a fucking problem, Leah Williams has dropped the ball on this one. Now, the premise of trying to stay relevant in the Marvel Universe through covers and changes to the status quo is actually kinda cool, however it should've been executed differently. Spidey pretty much represents me when I was reading this, because he's sorta annoyed throughout the entire comic. However, the art is pretty good, and a lot of the jokes did make me laugh... UNLIKE THE NEXT ISSUE. 6/10, could've been worse, should've been way better.