Spider-Man Fortnite.

Fortnite is literally one of the greatest things to ever exist, ever. This is common knowledge, much like how Spider-Man is also pretty great. So why not put him in Fortnite? It's a pretty amazing idea but, for some fuck all reason, it took YEARS.

Like, they started collabing with Marvel, right? At some point, pretty early in the game's life. Y'know, for fun. Mostly for money but for fun.

They did a limited time game mode where you just GOTTA be the first one to get the infinity gauntlet. Upon getting it you into Thanos, becoming very powerful and strong so no person could ever stop you, ever. I think, honestly I'm doing this off memory and stuff I watched on YouTube since I never played the mode. Sounds fun, maybe. 

Made some shitty old skins based off Star Lord and Black Widow. Except, like, they didn't make new models for them. They're just reused from their original skins, slap something together, and there's your fucking skin, happy? Well, no. I'm not happy, they look like shit. Especially Star Lord. Like, he needs an update the MOST. 

A good Deadpool skin that they locked in a battle pass because fuck you. It's basically just his movie design which isn't exactly a bad thing really. It's more bright and colorful and, obviously, cartoonish due to this game’s art style so I actually like it more here than the first two movies. Very good skin so it sucks even more that it's locked in a battle pass you can't get anymore because you didn't play the game at the time. So sad.

They had an entire goddamn MARVEL SEASON. A MARVEL battle pass full of MARVEL’S most FAMOUS Superheroes like IRON MAN and WOLVERINE. MARVEL items that allow you to do abilities that MARVEL characters can do. It had so much shit to do with MARVEL yet SPIDER-MAN’S beautiful face wasn't anywhere to be seen. 

Venom. Fucking VENOM was in the game, TWICE, before Spider-Man. Are you fucking serious? Are you out of your goddamn mind? Literally how? Are you seeing how ridiculous this is getting? What the actual fucking shit. Where is he? We DESERVE him. Can you fucking kidding me? We just let them get away with this? This is bullshit. I could fucking starve from the lack of Spider-Man content… But, thankfully, Epic Games delivered with the launch of their 3rd Chapter. They finally added my wife. 

They also added a Daily Bugle location, which is inside a dormant volcano. For some reason? The city block is also covered with Spider-Man’s web. For some reason? It's weird, like, did Spider-Man do this? Why? What the fuck is his problem? Whatever. Whatever. When you jump on the webs it makes you fly up high in the air to get around so that is cool. And Web-Shooters, a traversal item you can find around the map inside backpacks. Oh, and they have, like, some of the best web swinging mechanics in any game. But the important thing is Spider-Man himself. They made him tier 100 in the battle pass, meaning you had to play the game, uh, a lot to get him. And I was scared I wasn't gonna get him in time so, when I had the money, I spent 60 dollars on levels. What a good financial decision. But I, apparently, choose horrible timing because the fucking No Way Home bundle, which I won't talk about, came out the same night I decided to do that thing I just did and my heart lunged up into my throat. Fun memories… Enough fucking around, let's take a look at the suit… 👀

Surprisingly, this sure is a Spider-Man. Crazy… Good colors, nice big ass lenses and logos, wow they didn't fuck it up!! There's this super nice material they chose for the blue that looks kinda shiny? And it’s just so neat. I usually prefer a lighter blue for Spider-Man but this darker blue they went with works so well here and I think a major part of that is the material I already mentioned. No separation, major overdesigning, or anything. This is a classic ass, no nonsense Spider-Man. Speaking of ass did you know they nerfed it later on? Why? What the shit?

It's so classic I actually… Can't bitch that much! But I can still bitch. There are some strange, peculiar even, lines on the blue parts and I don't know why. Now, they don't really look that bad, like, you can ignore it since they're the same color as the blue, but it's just very unnecessary. Instead of being black, the web pattern is a very dark red. I guess this was done to make the front logo more noticeable but that's stupid. However I'm sure you can see that these are nitpicks that don't affect my overall enjoyment of the suit. Nitpicking is all I can do, there's so little for me to actually bitch about! That's how GOOD this is. Marvel Games nowadays like Marvel’s Avengers, Rivals, some shitty mobile thing, Token, feel the need to add so much shit to Spider-Man’s suit and to completely reinvent the wheel, as if making the belt not an actual belt is a brand new choice that's never been done before, yet Fortnite just has. The classic suit. That's, uh, kinda sad actually. I think this should be the standard, I think. 

Thankfully he comes with other stuff so I can talk and bitch more. Spider-Man has alternative styles, those styles being the Black slash Symbiote and Future Foundation. And some others but those suck and nobody cares. Pretty good choices to me, y’know, the Black suit is his second most popular look and the Future Foundation suit is fucking awesome so it's perfect. I would've liked a Ben Reilly style however that'd just be a completely new skin. Which I hope they do one day, I love Ben so very much. 

They have a blue lighting thing on the black suit so that's pretty cool. It reminds me of how the suit used to look in earlier comics and the 90s show. Honestly, I can't say shit. What's there to say about the black suit that hasn't been said? And this? This is just the black suit. It's sleek and stylish, the logo looks ripped right out of the comics, and oh hey they remembered the hand patches! Forgot the dot though… Maybe this is meant to be the cloth version of the suit. I'm kinda out of anything. The only thing I straight up don't like are the eyes. They're really small and weirdly shaped. It contrasts against the thick and big Spider logo in a bad way, it reminds me of the Web of Shadows black suit since that also has the same problem. But besides that this is a very good black suit!

And then there's the Future Foundation suit, one of my favorite Spider-Man suits ever. And unlike that piece of shit Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man show they didn't butcher it. This is literally perfect, like, the other suits have minor problems, but I don't think there's any problem with this one. It looks like how it did in the comics and that makes me very happy. I just love the everything about this suit. The black and white color palette, the logo creating the black side of the suit is very satisfying, it's just so good. Sure, it reuses the lenses from the Classic suit so technically it's not a perfect Future Foundation adaptation actually but I don't give a shit. They look good. 

But Spidey still has more stuff to talk about! Fuck! As expected, he comes with some other cosmetics that fit with his character. Like an emote referencing that pointing meme that stopped being funny. There's also sprays and emojis and whatever but literally nobody cares. 

The more important stuff are the pickaxe, weapon wrap, contrail, glider. They're all web or web constructed things. I have no problem with these! Except for the fact there's a spider on them for some reason? Personally, I think adding the spider to them is really stupid and makes no sense but whatever. There's a clear theme here that they all follow. Except for the one I didn't mention, the backling... Fuck...

This backling fucking SUCKS. It doesn't even make sense for him to wear it since he's already wearing the suit that's in the backpack. To be fair, you can change the backling to be the black or future foundation suit but, like, I dunno still feels kinda dumb. It looks too kiddish to me and it looks weird on this Spidey because that's totally a grown ass man under that suit. But my biggest problem is that it just doesn't match the rest of Spider-Man’s cosmetics. The backling just ignored the theming for no good reason and it makes me big upset. 

They could've just made it a webpack, y’know, like, he does make that sometimes. It's just such a simple thing to do and they didn't do it and it drives me like, kinda, sorta, maybe crazy. 

So that's all I feel like talking about. Spider-Man in Fortnite sure was a crazy thing, huh? Mostly pretty good. It got me into playing the game and whether that's a good or bad thing is debatable... I spent over 500 dollars on V-Bucks.