The Biggest Game Review. (Part 1.)
Today we're gonna take a look at the strangest game of all time, a game that is not related to Marvel and not related to anything, really. I just remember one of my mutuals playing it and I thought "Hey, since this game is free, I'm gonna check it out myself".
The game is called "Doki Doki Literature Club", made by Dan Salvato way back in 2017, it has gained a reputation for being "The game with the 4 really strange girls" and for having a lot of shock value.
Now, I'm obviously a big fan of literature, I read everything that has more than 10 words, so I'm obviously thrilled to share my passion for literature with 4 weirdos that don't even exist.
The Steam description and the beginning of the game already tell you that this game is fucked up. I mean, c'mon, how bad could this possibly be? It's 4 fairly cute girls ready to read a bunch of stuff and maybe cause some chaos! There's nothing weird about that! That being said, this game is not recommended for those dealing with serious issues like depression and it is definitely NOT recommended for very young children.
The game itself begins when you choose a name (I chose Barry for this playthrough as tribute to my FAVORITE visual novel, which is not this one.)
Sayori is your neighbor and close friend that you've known since childhood, and she is walking to school with you because. Well, anyway, she's like "OMG CAN YOU JOIN OUR LITERATURE CLUB?" and since the title of the game isn't "Doki Doki Anime Club", you oblige, just to be really nice, I mean, c'mon, are you gonna say no to the cute face that you've known for many years? Yeah, that's what I thought. Though, to be completely honest with you, the thing that sold me is that this supposed "Natsuki" made cupcakes.
And thus, today marks the day I sold my soul for a cupcake. So, we have decided to follow Sayori into a place with 3 other girls, and we are PISSED because Sayori just called us a new member, c'mon, do better next time... I don't see anyone here... Well, that is because they pop up like online advertisements. It's time we meet the cast of this game.
Sayori: I just told you who she is. She's really silly. REEEAAAALLLYYY SILLLYYYY. Best Quote: IDK.
Yuri: Purple haired girl that is shy. That is her only personality trait.
Natsuki: C'mon, that girl is way too young to be here, get her outta here. She's also really angry or whatever the fuck.
Monika: She is strangely everywhere, from the thumbnail on Steam to the official soundtrack cover on vinyl... So mysterious. Eh, I don't care.
All words escape me in this situation, this club is full of insanely cute girls! That's what my character says, I couldn't care less about them.
So, we get to know these girls or whatever. Oh, man, these cupcakes are delicious, I wish I could fucking see them! Wow, I had no idea Natsuki knew how to bake. Though, to be fair, I knew how to bake at age 13. Kids these days, they don't know how to bake and only know how to use ChatGPT.
Guess who made tea? Well, it's none other than Yuri. What kinda freak drinks tea while reading? C'mon, get a Mountain Dew or something. These girls tell me they'll make me feel right at home. Oh, so does that mean I can just chill in my underwear talking about comics online?
We get to meet these weirdos, Monika used to be part of the debate club, but she left because. Well, literature is much cooler. But she's surprised no one has joined... Other than me, I guess. Monika's lesson of the day: YOU NEED TO OVERWORK YOURSELF OR YOU WILL NEVER FIT IN THIS SOCIETY. Everyone enthusiastically agrees.
What kinda shit do I like to read? Asks Yuri... Porno mags. And Spider-Man, I reply enthusiastically. Not much of a reader, that can change. Sure, I'm reading this shit right now! She likes to read- I don't care. Though, I'm going her route on this playthrough just because I haven't tried it. At this rate, Yuri might as well have a conversation with a rock, because I know jack shit about literature.
Yuri loves horror, Natsuki does not, the rest and myself feel indifferent towards it. Woooowww, I am having so much fun!!!! Oh, and they also write poems. Y'know, this reminds me of when I first made friends during high school, a bunch of girls saw that I was just super miserable and decided to become friends with me, and I still hang out with them every once in a while.
I suppose we'll read poems later, because Monika has an incredibly awesome idea... Go home. And write poems, I guess. Sure, sounds fun, even though I suck at writing with rhymes, you should see that Christmas Hour I canceled last year.
Scariest thing so far is Monika, she has those strange green eyes, it's kinda unnerving. After saying I didn't want to join, they all get all pouty and disappointed and stuff, which is a look I get every day. Well, I guess I'll join, wouldn't want the game to be short.
These girls are in the same poses, except for Yuri, who is always in that 45-degree angle, that can't be good for her back. Anyway, we're going back home, while thinking about the strange events that have just unfolded in this classroom. These girls will haunt me in my nightmares.
Time for writing! I just click on a bunch of words and these little sticker versions of the girls are all happy... Where's Monika? Oh, and these sad words all seem to make Sayori jump in joy... That's not foreshadowing at all.
The next day, we all show our poems to each other. Hijinx ensues between the girls. Some shit happens, I don't know, I'm skimming through the dialogue, but Sayori apologizes, saying she wasn't thinking... Sayori, girl, ARE YOU EVER THINKING? Sheesh. Oh, and this Yuri girl just picked out a book for me, it's titled "David Wilkins' Translation of the New Testament".
Wow, I am the ONLY boy here. Well, anyway, Sayori and Monika are talking, Yuri's face is buried in a book, and Natsuki is in the closet, looking for something stupid, probably. It looks like no one wants to be bothered today. I sit down in my desk and read whatever the hell Yuri just gave me. I close my eyes and listen in on Monika and Sayori's conversation, and they are talking about... The new festival that is coming soon! Neato. What is the literature club gonna do for this one? I'm not sure. How do we convince people to join? Food? Holding people hostage? Not sure.
Shit, I still have my eyes closed, better open them and... Open your eyes, MC, c'mon. JESUS SHIT, she scared me, even though this is my 3rd playthrough and I knew this was coming. But now I don't trust when the game goes to black. Oh, and I guess MC, aka Barry is worried about Sayori. I mean, who wouldn't be? She hasn't eaten all day, she sucks at putting on her blazer, she barely brushes her hair, and to top it all off, that bow SUCKS and Sayori will NEVER EVER get a boyfriend.
Y'know, I'm really glad this Auto button exists, now I don't have to do anything BUT write. So, Barry finally fixes Sayori's damn blazer before the failing miserably and looking like a fool. Monika suddenly calls out for sharing our poems now... Any day now, game. Wow, for the first time in YEARS, we get a choice! And new music! Well, Sayori thinks my poem's good. Well, nice to know that at least one person, real or not, appreciates my work. "When I read your poem, it's not just a poem, it's a Barry poem".
I'm really getting along with these girls! This can only end well. What's her poem like? Well... It's about waking up in the morning, which can only mean that she overslept and was late and forgot to make her poem, so she just made it before school... But that doesn't really make it bad, I wouldn't be able to write something like this, so points for creativity.
My next choice was Monika, who thought it was cool or something like that. She tells me to not be afraid to bring things up, which is a common fear that I have. "We're all sort of embarrassed today" No you're not, you are SMUG. The more I talk to her, the more I suspect random shit, maybe she's an evil robot from the future, maybe she's just weird like that, not sure. Her poem is kinda stupid, it's about some deep shit.
Natsuki says it didn't evoke emotion or some stuff. Her poem is really lame and short, but it's actually perfect. It's about how trying is never enough, you need to try harder. It's demotivating AND motivating at the same time, it's brilliant, I would recite that live in the middle of the entire school.
Yuri thinks my poem is... She's still reading. Oh, she needs to put thought into what she's gonna say... Wow, she thinks before she talks? I've never met a single person like that in my life, not even my family members. It's been several minutes, and we have not gotten anywhere, so let's cut the shit and read what she wrote. AND GET A FUCKING HAIRCUT. I quickly snag the fucking paper from her and... I cannot read cursive, good job, Yuri, pat yourself on the back.
Quickly after finishing reading, a small altercation pops up between Yuri and Natsuki, which slowly leads into insults like "Well, clearly, he only liked your poem because you have BREASTS", which is not true, no breast size could save that poem. Well, why are they fighting? I'm not sure, but Sayori doesn't like fighting... Who the hell LIKES fighting? Other than YouTube drama channels?
So, whatever, they all stop fighting, everyone is happy, and we go home, thank GOD, I hate school.
THAT IS IT FOR PART 1.
Next time: I do something that no one has ever done before... As to be expected from the site at this point.
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