FML.

Writer:

WORLD NEWS:

- NOT IN THE MOOD

SPIDER-MAN NEWS:

-  EVERYONE IS SHITTING ON ME. WATER JUST TRIED TO CANCEL ME FOR OUTRAGEOUS REASONS, SPIDERFIGURES PULLED A WEIRD STUNT ON ME AND NOW, MARVEL COMICS HAS RUINED THEIR ONLY GOOD COMIC BOOK. REMEMBER WHEN I TOLD YOU ABOUT ZOMBIE GWEN STACY? THE OUTCOMES OF THIS COULD'VE BEEN BAD, BUT MARVEL HAS CHOSEN THE WORST POSSIBLE ONE. YOU KNOW GWENPOOL? MY 3RD FAVORITE CHARACTER? THIS MORNING, IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT SHE WAS GETTING A NEW SERIES. NOT ONLY DOES IT RUIN MY RETROSPECTIVE THAT I ALREADY WROTE AND SCHEDULED, BUT THEY DECIDED TO MAKE GWEN STACY THE NEW GWENPOOL. LOOK IT UP. IT'S TRUE. THEY CAN'T EVEN MAKE A GOOD SPIDER-MAN COMIC AND NOW THEY DO THIS? They have fucked up big time. NICK LOWE, YOU ARE NOT INVITED TO MY COOL BDAY PARTY THAT IS HAPPENING SOON.

-  ON A LIGHTER NOTE, NEW EPISODES OF SPIDER-MAN THE SHOW OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.

SITE UPDATES

- THE SITE IS ON FIRE

- PREPARE FOR A NEW "DRUNK POSTS" SERIES BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE DRINKING A LOT. 

- ALL UPCOMING REVIEWS ARE GONNA BE NEGATIVE.

- I'M CRYING. THERE ARE TEARS ON MY KEYBOARD.

On a much lighter note, it's time for the Spider-Plush Horoscope.

ARIES: You are very weird and stupid and ridiculous, and no one loves you... But I meant it in the nicest way, no offense meant.

TAURUS: If you find any ladies that resemble Susan Storm, be sure to give them my email address. C'mon, help a fellow Taurus out.

GEMINI: You look like a fool right now. HOW EMBARRASSING.

CANCER: You will SHIT yourself.

LEO: You will be right next to Cancer when they shit themselves.

VIRGO: We think you should just not do anything until the next horoscope, which will be in... A long time.

LIBRA: You should totally drink this not-poisoned tea.

SCORPIO: DO NOT. SEND ME. YOUR DICK PICS. OKAY?

SAGITTARIUS: Get the shovel and go follow the treasure map under the fridge.

CAPRICORN: You are crazy. CRAZY. INSANE. OUT OF YOUR MIND. Unless your name is Camden.

AQUARIUS: OMG, you are even worse. You are at the point of no return. I think you should give yourself to the mental hospital.

PISCES: Give me your money. No "but"s.

Alright, I guess that's it for this post. Next time, the WORST Spider-Man comic book of ALL TIME. The Amazing Spider-Man (vol. 6) #26. I always lose.

I'm Edward. I am a blog writer.

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